Four years ago I became preggars with my sweet baby girl and life forever changed. I had a dream pregnancy, gained a million pounds, ate cake all the time, had an easy labor, easy birth, easy baby. She latched immediately, slept through the night at six weeks, took 3 naps a day, usually lasting at least 3 hours, hardly ever cried, happiest baby ever. I lost all my weight and then some super fast. I had it going on!
I became pregnant when she was 11 months old. It turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy and I had to have emergency surgery. I was heartbroken, left in pain physically and emotionally, and a hormonal wreck.
Then I got pregnant again and everything changed again! I was terribly sick the whole time, ate nothing, gained hardly nothing until the last month or so, he came out cord wrapped around his neck, blood shot eyes, battered and bruised, and jaundiced. He had a terrible time latching and NEVER slept! AHHHHHH!!!!
Turns out he was colicky. For the first 6 months of his life we spent sooo much time at doctors' offices, both cried a lot, and Princess B watched a LOT of movies. He started getting better, but then we had to learn social skills! That took another 2 months, then the teething, colds, and stomach viruses took over...AHHHH!!!!!
Needless to say it hasn't been the easiest year. I say this all not to bash my poor little baby but to prove a few very important points.
I have led a fairly charmed life. I fell in love with my hubby in high school, we went to college together, we are both fairly intelligent people, he has a great job, we have a beautiful home, we had a beautiful daughter. I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to stay home with her and not return to work.
I had it made with Brennan, she was easy to love. I thought I was the best mother in the world. I worried about what she ate, how much TV she watched, germs, etc...typical first baby type things that are much less concerning with subsequent children. Caden came along and taught me, us really, so many things that we really needed to learn!
First and foremost he taught me humility. He taught me that no matter how much time I spent with him, how upbeat I was, how much I sang to him, how much I cried, yelled, laughed that sometimes it just didn't matter. With Brennan I thought I was the shizzle and with Caden at times I felt hopeless. Essentially he put me in my place. I had not realized how much better of a mom I thought I was than others. He taught me to be respectful of others and not to judge a poor woman's parenting skills because her kid is screaming in a store.
He taught me patience...I was/am a middle school science teacher. I know patience. I have two kids...I know patience. I am a stay at home mom. I know patience, or at least I thought I did. Until you have a baby that screams night and day, never sleeps, and can't be comforted in any way, you do not know patience. He taught our family patience.
He taught his sister to share. He has taught her and continues to teach her that the sun doesn't rise and fall because of her. He has taught her that there are others to consider. This was exactly why I wanted to have more than one child. I was aware that she was spoiled and got a ton of attention. She is flipping adorable, was the first baby, first grandchild on both sides of our families, and has a great disposition...how do you not spoil that? Caden keeps her in line and always will! And oh my does he adore her...has since day one. He doesn't look at anyone else the way he does his big sissy...it is the best feeling in the world to see that bond. He taught me how to laugh again. I have always laughed and had a pretty twisted sense of humor. I am generally an inappropriate person. When your days and months are filled with screaming and constant worry and guilt it becomes hard to laugh. Every so often he would stop crying and smile and laugh. I know it sounds contradictory but he is the happiest baby I have ever met! When he isn't in pain, he is a giant smile, laugh, and giggle. He has never met a stranger, always wants to be held and played with. Every little thing he touches or sees is a new and exciting adventure. We laugh a lot now! I guess I realized, if he can be this happy with everything he has been through and felt then I have no excuses.
The biggest thing he has taught me is unconditional love. Like I said, Princess B is easy to love. Mr. Caden was a challenge. Of course I loved him from even before conception but oh my was it hard sometimes. He taught me to appreciate Brennan for the baby she was. He taught me to love my husband for not leaving me/us during those 6 dark months of screaming, crying, and no sleep as understandably I was not a very nice person. He taught me to love him even at his worst. He taught me to love myself again.
There were so many times I felt hopeless. I cried. I yelled. I repeated daily how much I couldn't live like this. I didn't understand why it was happening, I just wanted everyone to be happy. I wanted him to be ok. I blamed myself. I got pregnant too soon after my surgery. I took anti-nausea drugs during the pregnancy. I honestly still blame myself sometimes.
Tomorrow my sweet, happy boy turns 1. No one believes me when I say we are having a monster themed party because he was my little monster for so long. All they see is a happy, curious, laughing baby. We stayed holed up for 8 months working out the kinks. I didn't want anyone to see or remember him at his worst so we simply never went anywhere. The house is decorated, the food is cooked, everything is ready. Tomorrow I will do nothing other than play with my babies and celebrate their lives. This weekend will be all about the four of us being together and being happy. Next week I will post pics of the party. 
Now that the worst is behind us, I completely see why we had to go through that. I am so thankful for his presence in my life. I am so thankful that he is mine and that I get to spend everyday with him. Caden made our family stronger. Caden completed our family. Caden has made me a better person. Caden has given me tools that I will use for the rest of my life. Caden saved me. I gave him life. He showed me how to live mine. For that I will always be in his debt.
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